accepted wisdom

2007-11-20T09:37:00.000-08:00

my moulin rouge fantasy

2007-11-09T04:37:00.000-08:00

Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
Want to vanish inside your kiss
Everyday I love you more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may, come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you

And there's no mountain too high no river too wide
Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather and stars may collide
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may, come what may
I will love you until my dying day
Oh come what may, come what may
I will love you

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place...

Come what may, come what may
I will love you until my dying day

confused?

2007-10-22T08:50:00.000-07:00

most of my posts are on the other blog now.

http://khalidahnazihah.wordpress.com

i love both my blogs. and i intend to keep them both.

this one specifically has so much sentimental value (hey, it was remodelled by the hands of an artist). the other is building its own.

and i still intend to keep them both.

so keep interested, yeah? i will be posting here too every now and then.

fig & olive

2007-10-16T11:39:00.000-07:00

can't sem to rotate it, but cute huh!

rumour has it

2007-10-06T10:47:00.000-07:00

hey, i haven't moved. i'm still here ok. wisdom still accepted.

enjoy the weekend.

i was tagged by michelle!

2007-10-05T07:58:00.000-07:00

What Have I Done in the past…

__________

Half and hour:

played with my brother's cat KK. the poor guy's still adjusting to his new home so he's grumpy in a cage. downed a McD strawberry sundae. watched the janice dickinson show, in parts. oh, and i sneaked peeked at friday night lights, just to see what all the fuss (coming from A particular person) is all about. ehheh.

__________

3 Hours:

accompanied mother to get kuih raya stuff. corn flour, starch flour, (regular) flour, icing, sugar, golden churn butter, egg yellow colouring, vanilla essence. check! can't wait for mum's world famous samperit!

found out that my openhouse for raya will be on the 28th (don't worry, invitations are due out soon, if i forget to ask consider this an invite k!). more fareed zakaria. :)
__________

24 Hours:

in reverse chronology, OK?
went to pasar ramadhan with meor alif and KA. bought helluva nasi lemak. and consequentially had a nice iftar!

spent the day slugging it out with the boyfriend, reading! (and dozing off while at it)

watched matric selections, of which i decline to comment on for various reasons and went out for a nice supper with again the boyfriend, k.mie, azrul, fareez, hazirah and asyraf. he made it for oxford by the way. cool eyh. asyraf that is.

__________

3 Days:

broke the glass ceiling.

hah! spent the whole week a nervous wreck awaiting selection results. and boy did it pay off. let's just say i'll be pretty busy the next few months.

nothing remotely interesting aside from that. although going to ALL classes this week is a pretty good accomplishment. ahh yes, a goal fulfilled. pretty sad to have to write it up as a goal seeing that other people do it effortlessly. oh, well. i made it either way. 2 weeks of classes to go.

__________

3 weeks:

fasting! today marks the third week i think. a week left to raya. time flies.

got all my midterm results which weren't at all shabby, if i do say so myself. let's just see this through to the finals or i won't see the inside of the plane to either bangkok OR bangladesh. dad's rules.

a load of presentations of which i hopefully aced.

selections was last week, so before that were more weeks of gutwrenching nerves, worrying about this and that. ahmadinejad and musharraf (of which was successfully avoided during selections)

had iftar with uia friends at niara, debate friends at kubur, tkc friends at times square, boy friend here and there and everywhere, munch munch munch munch munch!

__________

3 months:

had a nephew named muhammad ikmal hariz! the little guy's a month plus now.

jumpstarted my undergrad life. i'm officially a first year in uni. this was in july. oh wait, that was 4months ago technically.

more recent than that, made it to the finals of rector's cup with yasat and mich (who tagged me).

do you really want a lengthy list?

__________

12 months:

the most significant would be landing myself a guy! THE guy. hahaha. yes, this october marks a year. an actual year. wow!

had a birthday. the nicest one with (some of) the bestest friends.

debating-wise, went to AUDC, my first international tournament with nabilah lokmal and izzati hamdan. and AUSTRALS, my second, with mich (again, who tagged me) and asmaa'.

academically speaking, graduated matrics with what could be a better cgpa. but hey, can't complain there.

i was officially handed the kelisa around this time.

was introduced to sushi by meor alif.

how can you possibly track back A YEAR of your life?

__________

3 years:

graduated high school with good results, went through some pretty dark times before i ended up in uia, and found debating.

had the best years of my life (2004 baby!!!) in high school with some of the best friends and people.

worked for the very first time (for a week)

watched my childhood home get demolished, making way for a new adulthood home, i guess. haha.

had my first vanilla cream frappucino with caramel drizzle at starbucks!

changed a LOT. a lot a lot.

what else? this is pretty vague i know. but seriously, i never looked back that much. if you really want to know about what happened, look through my archives. they're a better indicator. but i guess, this points out what's most memorable that comes to mind.

thanks mich for tagging me.

will i be tagging anyone? we'll see....

2007-10-03T08:43:00.000-07:00

2007-09-27T11:06:00.000-07:00

2007-09-23T21:07:00.000-07:00

when two of your life philosophies (if you can even call it that) clash...

adventure

loyalty

i feel like bungee jumping. again!

btw, i need to get my assignments done. can someone forcefeed me or something??

sicko

2007-09-21T08:22:00.000-07:00

on one of the rarest occasions of the years, rarer than eclipses and i don't know, comets? haha. not that rare lah, i'm still human. i am officially SICK! i am coughing. i have the flu. i'm having headaches. i sound funny. i'm sick!

i'm sure it's even rarer to see people rejoicing in the fact that they're sick. but i for one, love this rare occasion. cause sick time is supposed to be rest time, receive attention time, care and pamper time, being fussed over time, did i say rest time?, sleep time, and well, you get the drift. and for the fact that it's a relatively rare occasion for me, won't you just please let me enjoy it? what's not to enjoy about all the perks that is aforementioned?

hum-dee-da. i don't even care about the runny nose. just let me have my time.

2007-09-17T21:23:00.000-07:00

meor alif

i had, as expected, only three hours of sleep. woke at day break for a long shower, leave the house in a scurry in fears of the rush hour, weave through a half hour's worth of traffic, endure extremely sleep-inducing classes, and yet...

i did this all with a smile on my face, in remembrance of a fantastic day i had before. to whom i owe this to.. need i state the obvious??

you make me happy!

2007-09-17T11:08:00.000-07:00

freedom is something every individual should enjoy.

boyfriends are like sand, the tighter you grip, the more it slips away.

two is better than one. so be one at heart, yet remain two individuals. that way, you can have your cake, and eat it too!

there's something wrong with the world, when even i feel compelled to shell out love advice.

time out

2007-09-17T10:11:00.001-07:00

sangat best when you get to take a break on the first day of classes!! it's monday and i'm home, had a nice berbuka and nicer supper, and did i say i'm home!!

yes, for the rest of you who think how mundane one's life can get to be excited over this, life in uni is very much mundane when you have to go one month without training, munching in the day, etc. (not that i'm really complaining, time out to take a break and berzikir dan bertalbiah all day, yes)

plus, tarawikh is soo much more fun at home! although tidak pegi hari ini, it is usually so much fun at home. i have to go to masjid uni punya one day lah. people say its good. it has to be. they have to live up to the name of the uni right.

ok, i'm done. i have three hours to sleep. and more or less three hours of class tomorrow, if i decide to cut worldview (gimme a break, i've skipped it only once k!). gosh, i'm happy. i love how things are going. berkat ramadhan kot. alhamdulillah.

have a happy ramadhan, guys.

tomorrow, i vow to be a better person than i am today. amin.

goofing off

2007-09-16T17:17:00.000-07:00

today...

2007-09-14T18:57:00.000-07:00

microeconomics midterm!!!

i've been surprisingly very mellow since yesterday, have refused to hit the books till now (four hours before the exam) and already looking forward for it to end..

that's why you shouldn't have exams on a saturday, in Ramadhan. double whammy!

the ramadhan experience

2007-09-14T05:01:00.000-07:00

sighs. what people with scarcity power can do. imagine lining up for an hour and a half, and paying rm1 each for popiah. i'd say it's blasphemous. but i'm not one to break tradition.

place : pasar ramadhan, section 14 PJ

sightings : dynaz. ramli MS. mr ananda kumar, my std 4 english teacher

worthy mentions : duh, the popia. ikan pari bakar *but maybe it was just my craving, it wasn't superb*. but there wasn't time for much else since the popia alone took 1 1/2 hours. will take a better look next time.

have to run off for buka puasa.
pics later.

2007-09-13T23:40:00.000-07:00

1)meor alif, meor alif, meor alif!
2)cut hair
3)study for exams
4)line up for popia
5)fareez's class (?)
6)register for next sem!!!!!

double wow. interkuliyyah.

2007-09-09T08:29:00.000-07:00

the hand of god, fate, luck, or whatever forces you determine to control the happenings in your life can be generous to you in many ways. i guess it's how you take advantage of those generousities and seize the opportunities it provides you with that really count when you want to think about it. whether it was pure luck, pure fate or maybe just karma, is another story to think about. if thinking about it will bring about any good.

interkuliyyah will be seeing another all-econs finals as it has for the past two years. i'd say it would be an interesting start to my half a semester spent in my kuliyyah :) what worries me now is the actual performance during the final. because of my loathing of good (or even bad) tournaments having sucky finals, i'd hate for it to be one of those.

yay!

i'd never thought i'd say that i'm happy to re-quote the increasingly annoying will.i.am genetic crap song : here we go! again

wow. interkuliyyah.

2007-09-07T20:37:00.000-07:00

its in like 2 hours time, and i'm at home in a very festive mood. why not, huh.

i'm missing my nephew's kenduri aqiqah for this. i better win the damn thing.

to quote will.i.am in that obnoxious genetic song : here we go!

the vicious cycle

2007-09-06T20:27:00.001-07:00

i'm still frikkin emotional

mengapakah???

my second love

2007-09-06T10:57:00.000-07:00

the one on the left, of course.

pic from : http://vipglamour.net/2006/12/01/justin-timberlake-opens-vistorias-secret-fashion-show/

opinion needed

2007-09-06T10:13:00.000-07:00

i found another blogskin i like. check it out.

was just contemplating switching but i dunno, what do you guys think? feedback appreciated.

the makeover

2007-09-04T08:01:00.000-07:00

well, i've got to keep up with the mister somehow :)

he did this for me by the way. meor alif (yang suddenly tech-friendly).

thanks babe. mucho love.

ps. and of course do checkout
http://meoralif.blogspot.com/

a glimpse of the past - something i picked up from abir's blog

2007-09-03T09:11:00.000-07:00

EPISODE #222 · THE TIDE THAT LEFT AND NEVER CAME BACK

"There are two tragedies in life: one is to lose your heart's desire, the other is to gain it." -- George Bernard Shaw

Brooke: "George Bernard Shaw once wrote; 'There are two tragedies in life: one is to lose your heart's desire, the other is to gain it.' Clearly, Shaw had his heart broken once or twice."

Nathan: "As far as I’m concerned, Shaw was a punk! 'Cause you know what? Tragedies happen. What're you gonna do, give up? Quit? No. I realize now that when your heart breaks, you gotta fight like hell to make sure you’re still alive. 'Cause you are, and that pain you feel: it's life. The confusion and fear.. that's there to remind you that somewhere out there is something better. And that something is worth fighting for."

Haley: "This year, I got everything I wanted and everything I wished for.. but, in a way, I lost even more."

Lucas: "Shaw was right: as we strain to grasp the things we desire, the things we think will make our lives better: money, popularity, fame... we ignore what truly matters -- the simple things: like friendship, family, love. The things we probably already had."

Mouth: "So, Mr. Shaw thinks that getting your hearts desire is a tragedy? I say he’s wrong. I mean, clearly, Shaw never kissed Erica Marsh."

Peyton: "Yeah, losing your heart’s desire is tragic. But gaining your heart’s desire... It’s all you can hope for. This year, I wished for love. To immerse myself in someone else and to wake a heart long afraid to feel. My wish was granted. And if having that is tragic… then give me tragedy. Because, I wouldn’t give it back for the world."

2007-09-03T08:37:00.000-07:00

tote bag, fourskin rm89.90
transformers top, fourskin rm49.90
brown top, radioactive rm89.90
cute shoes, *some shop in OU*, rm59.90 oh..half off..rm29++
this one top yang meor alif x suka, price unknown

this is called the shopping bug (just for clarification, i did NOT purchase the above)

still nak shopping. sighs.

on a much separate note.
i was bloody emotional today. and someone can attest to that.

and on another separate note.
mike beat bonnie by 3points in the first game
bonnie BEAT MIKE by SIXpoints in the next
kickass. i told you she was back.

moving on

2007-09-02T20:38:00.000-07:00

more and more people are joining wordpress. and i know it's pretty inappropriate to write it here but i'm contemplating moving too. (blasphemous!) errr, don't kick me out yet ok blogspot? they seem to have nicer, freer layouts. or it's just me yang x reti buat kat sini. but should i abandon this outlet that has patiently tolerated my erratic sense of blogging for the past 2 years? NAH. i'll stick for the time being. let's just see how tempting it gets on the other side.

i'm going bowling today with my beloved.
BONNIE's back, B*tch :)
the claws are out.

2007-09-02T09:38:00.000-07:00

hey there delilah is sooo addictive. it's on replay in my head. i'd love to be delilah. haha. it's been a while since i've been serenaded *hint hint*

anyway, another's weekends passed by, and the spring cleaning i was talking about yesterday - never really got through with it. my room's a pigsty, i tell you. but hey hey, i've three days to go thanks to midterm break. i've a nephew to (supposedly) take care of now. yep, the little dude's home. and i've yet to actually hold the little fella in my arms. me and children don't really mix, as i've publicly made known on numerous occasions. but hey, no hostility towards this one. he's ok on my list :)

so, spring cleaning. three days to go. AND i've only just realized i've a workload of assignments to do. reminder to self :

Islamic WorldView - report + presentation on chosen topic, written essay
Principles & Practices of Management - case study + presentation on Starbucks
Fiqh for Economists - should start on the 20page case study
Microeconomics - study for delayed midterm, elasticities exercise

i HAVE to do it. god, give me motivation to. i must, i must. which reminds me i have to get all my books sitting idle on the living room coffee table.

the weekend has been a huge laze fest. went out today to buy a couple of things with Ma (only to end up buying lots more) and reminder to self also ; the crepe + icecream dessert dish in 1920s may look tempting, but it's not as delish as it looks. stick with the timballo.

ahhh, i miss meor alif.

i can't wait for this semester to be over with! for ikmal hariz to be grown up! for gosh, everything to be sped up! oh damn, book review for royals, worlds and oxford.. i've gotta get started. sheeeeeeeeeesh.

again?

2007-09-01T09:50:00.000-07:00

something's wrong when you blog four times a day. i'm just feeling so uncontented that it's making me squirm. why such misery, you ask? i'd love to find out. this constant state of tak puas hati is killing me. god, give me peace.

2007-09-01T07:05:00.001-07:00

i'm neither here nor there
help me

spring cleaning

2007-09-01T03:23:00.001-07:00

i'm currently in the process of cleaning out my closet and in need of opinions of what to keep and toss. argh, the pressure ;)

i'm hooked

2007-09-01T03:08:00.000-07:00

There are ten things every Budget Fashionista must have in her closet, from Budget Fashionista.

Black Suit- Either matching black skirt or black pants. Made out rayon material.
White Cotton dress shirt- This is an important closet staple and can be both trendy (wear underneath your favorite t-shirt) and classic (wear it with a business suit).

The Perfect Pair of Jeans. A great fitting par of jeans should be standard in every closet. Two pairs are even better. You don't have to spend a small fortune for these. Both the Faded Glory (WalMart.com) and the Rider brand (Target and Wal-mart) are great-fitting jeans that cost less than $30.

Pair of plain Black pumps- A pair of 1 to 2 inch plain black pumps can take you from the office to dinner.

Black Dress. A closet staple, the dress should be made of a sturdy, but lightweight fabric like cotton/rayon blend. Avoid heavy wool fabrics which counteract the slimming effects of the color.
T-shirts- Black, white, and a fun color. Perfect for layering as well as wearing alone, these shirts help stretch your closet way beyond its limits. Make sure the t-shirts all have 1-2% spandex/lyrca content which helps the shirts maintain their shapes. The Old Navy Perfect Fit stretch t-shirts are the best.

A Great Trench Coat is a MustTote bag- Serves double duty as a briefcase during the week and a shopping bag during the weekends.

Pair of Sneakers. One pair of sneakers that could also be worn both to workout in and for casual days like shopping.

Trench Coat/ All- Weather Coat. Wear it as a coat or a dress. Look for a version with removable lining so that you increase usage.

Khaki/ Chinos/ brown pants. A weekend staple, these pants add diversity to your outfits.

2007-08-30T11:36:00.000-07:00

i want to shop
i want to shop
i want to shop
i want to shop
i want to shop
i want to shop
i want to shop
i want to shop
i want to shop
i want to shop
i want to shop
i want to shop
i want to shop
i want to shop
i want to shop
i want to shop
i want to shop
i want to shop
i want to shop
i want to shop
i want to shop
i want to shop
i want to shop
i want to shop
i want to shop
i want to shop
i want to shop
i want to shop
i want to shop
i want to shop

heard me loud and clear?

2007-08-25T09:57:00.001-07:00

welcome to the world, muhammad ikmal hariz

i'm ecstatic :)

2007-08-21T17:48:00.000-07:00

i'm missing my friends so much and feeling more and more left out with each passing day.

there, i said it.

on a much lighter note, gwen ROCKS. teramatlah sangat.

rollercoaster

2007-08-16T08:59:00.000-07:00

dean's list one semester. crash and burn the next. haihhh. i have a midterm tomorrow. my first ever exam in my first of hopefully not too many semesters to come. wish me luck people.

and uhhh, miedc. that's a way loooooong story. but nabilah seriously owes me one man (don't you?!). but here's another weekend to i give to thee. bring it on. BRING. IT. ON!

and hey, don't misconstrue this as disinterest to debating. COME ON. i thought you guys knew me better than that.

2007-08-11T10:05:00.001-07:00

gwen said it best when she told us don't speak

on a break

2007-08-05T19:55:00.000-07:00

a cancelled class has resulted me into yet again utilizing the ever so freezing econs lab. some time to do my watch of assigned regions, southeast asia and southern africa, of which i have to say currently seems pretty dry. i was engrossed in my reading, but a statement i heard upon leaving my aforementioned cancelled class seems to still be bothering me.

you'd first have to understand that my class is one different from your standard come-to-class-and-digest-everything-we-say type. we are often encouraged to discuss and understand issues as opposed to reading and memorizing and our class usually begins with a discussion of current issue and a sweepover of newspaper headlines, of which students are required to at least get a copy of the newspaper or bring an interesting article to class. now this isn't what bothers me at all.

what bothers me was infact this statement i heard from a fellow classmate. she had apparently purchased a copy of the morning newspaper and had probably picked errr, one article in case she was interrogated to share some excerpts of it. so, yeah, the class was cancelled and this was announced which prompted her to complain bloody murder, "cheh, membazir je duit aku beli surat khabar pagi ni".

my brain just recoiled and retaliated silently what the fcuk??? you think it's a waste of money to put in effort to know, understand and open your mind to what's happening in our country, let alone the world today?? you think that additional information that may help you in actually understanding not only your textbooks and lecturer's notes, but at least what's going on beyond the borders of your room, university, hometown, or even country is a waste of a mere ringgit and twenty cents?? and you're not ashamed to sigh and complain about it out loud?

geez!

i'm not writing this down to say that i read and buy the newspaper every day. because i don't. i'm not writing this down to imply that i have a better understanding of the world and what's happening because of the newspapers, because even if that's most probable it still isn't necessarily true. above all else, i'm not writing this to be the know-it-all most people in certain circles think i am (HA HA, shame on you, because i have a bunch of people who would agree and attest to the fact that i'm far from knowing it all).

i'm just writing to say that if this attitude reflects on more than this girl herself, if this opinion of pursuing knowledge as being a waste of money or energy is mirrored by more than this one person or possibly most of the Malaysian student population (of which i'm saying is a probability, i'm not saying that it is), then it's a shame. it's a shame that we see one ringgit, of which is probably a measly portion of most people's allowances, as a waste when we gain what i feel transgresses the monetary value of it. it's a shame.

if this is really the situation, then we need really need to look upon this attitude itself and see if it brings us any good, if it forwards either our thinking, intellect or mentality, if it makes us a better person in understanding others. if you feel that this small but significant incident will change your perspective, i applaud you. if you think that i'm making a big deal out of this, then it's fine. i've no qualms with differences of opinion. i'll just crawl back into my little hole i call my personal sphere, and continue browsing through my FREE online news.

cheers.

2007-08-05T07:41:00.000-07:00

i'm tired. we all have our moments.
but i don't doubt myself. not a single bit.

and so, you shouldn't too.

2007-08-02T09:46:00.000-07:00

sometimes, you just hate yourself

gwen stefani, here i come!

2007-07-27T01:49:00.001-07:00

'nuff said

rainy sunday afternoon

2007-07-21T23:13:00.000-07:00

my indeciveness will be the bane of my existence
on a separate note, i'm really sorry, izzati hamdan, for not making it to the wedding (your brother's that is). as my previous post states, i was looking forward to it (meor really was too) but alas, to no avail.
my well wishes to your brother and his wife!

just thought i'd colour things up since its such a gloomy day :)

yummy!

2007-07-21T07:33:00.001-07:00

i've been listening to gwen all day!

fun fun fun!

2007-07-21T07:10:00.001-07:00

i had so much fun today. it's so fulfilling to be with someone who constantly cracks you up, it is. i'm gushing, and i hardly do that so, hahahahhahahahahahahah. ROFLMAO!

tomorrow is nabil's birthday and zati's brother's wedding. social events! yay! i'm just happy to be spending time with my meor alif, my friends and my family.

bliss! hope you guys have a nice weekend too. cheers.

here's a piece of advice i could use

2007-07-15T09:55:00.001-07:00

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove
all doubt.-Abraham Lincoln

hurrah

2007-07-13T20:46:00.000-07:00

after two and a half days, i can finally say that i got all my subjects! yay!

my meor alif and i beat the system. we actually got what we want! un-frikkin-believable.

so, class starts monday. the demo debate is on sunday, also i plan to move into my mahallah. i'm watching harry potter tomorrow with the family. what a weekend coming up.

i still can't get over the FINALLY GETTING ALL OUR SUBJECTS part of the week. if you know the agony of manual adjustments, you'll know what i mean. i had to do it for all my frikkin subjects which wasn't that much, but still, the agony! got a great welcome into uia, if you could call it that and i can't wait til classes start. yay!

on a more serious note, i can't wait for league to start. for some reason, i've been more and more pissed off these days. i want my opportunity, and i sure as hell want to seize it. let's try, yet again.

the test of time

2007-07-12T10:29:00.000-07:00

one year.

one year. and counting.

sounds good :)

thoughts that haunt you in the middle of the night

2007-07-01T06:17:00.000-07:00

am i really that bad??

this is the time!

2007-06-30T11:30:00.000-07:00

i'm registering in uni tomorrow!
and the best part is, i'm skipping orientation.
all hail debating activities :)

ps. GR is not is in her cage anymore, i don't dare ask what happened :(

she's not gonna make it

2007-06-28T10:03:00.000-07:00

FELINE PANLEUKOPENIA: This viral infection is totally unrelated to Canine Distemper. In fact each disease has no true effect on the animal’s personality or temperament at all so the name "distemper" is rather misleading. This virus primarily affects young kittens but has been known to affect older cats as well. The disease lowers the animal’s immune defenses by severely depressing all white blood cell production. That is why the name Panleukopenia is more appropriate in that it means “all white blood cells are abnormally low in numbers”. The disease makes cats pass bloody, liquid stool due to the severe hemorrhaging it produces along the small intestine. A high fever is present, the cat is depressed and will refuse any food or water. Vomiting and dehydration add to the cat’s distress and recovery, even with strong therapeutic measures, is rare.

she's the tiniest, mangiest little critter. ugly as hell, if you ask me. wouldn't stand a chance in a pound or some spca shelter. doesn't even have a proper tail, prompting us to call her 'cordless' initially. spunky as ever, breaking through the less appealing facade and appearance she has, GR (short for ghost rider) never fails to tickle our hearts with her wacky antics (obsessively chasing ANY moving object, hissing at the new little innocent kittens incessantly out of jealousy, having to constantly be THE center of attention- in which she will try in numerous ways to achieve). all the spunk is gone now.

i was never gravely affected by ailing or even dying previous cats of ours. guess i wasn't exactly there to be adversely affected. but sitting by the cage in which we hope could shelter GR from the vicious outside world that could probably worsen her condition, prompted tears from me. she's no longer jumping about. no longer skulking about peoples' legs hoping for someone to entertain her. she can barely hold her head up. she lay there weak and unresponsive. and so i started crying. out of a sudden, an unmistakable attempt of a meow came from her. she lifted her head, brought her weak self, and patheticly crawled toward me. as if she knew i was sad, she crawled just into my reach and gave up trying to move and just landed onto the floor of the cage. i could swear her eyes just spoke to me, saying that it's ok, bad things happen, you don't need to give up and cry, it's going to be ok eitherway. i'm telling you, i could just swear that if she could speak, that's exactly what she was trying to say.

if you think i'm one of those obsessed cat lovers, i'm not. i've never been. and if i didn't find this strange myself, i wouldn't even bring myself to put this into writing.

she might not make it. and it's a very sad thing. it's a normal process, i know, even for cats. they die too. but it's still a very sad thing. GR is no normal cat. she's special. and if she goes, she will be missed.

2007-06-24T21:03:00.000-07:00

you try to protect your boyfriend from being investigated and possibly convicted of a crime and in the end find out that it was a hitz.fm gotcha call setup BY HIM.

bagaimanakah perasaan?

rudy and jj kata i should kill him.

i want you to know

2007-06-23T22:27:00.000-07:00

i've (strangely) been feeling really mellow since yesterday. i spent almost the whole night up alone, thinking, re-thinking, despite a whole day of being poached in a steaming hot debate room. it was tiring, and what just occured to me as somewhat a waste of energy. a whole new realization just hit me today. a realization, that i believe will be the main factor and main motivation for me to push myself harder now. i've always been a person big on dreams, big on hopes and really big on believing. but heck, i've always been too lazy to realize those dreams, hopes and beliefs. it's not like i can't. it's not like i can without working hard either. i know i'm not alone in this. i know i need to move fast. i know i need to strike now. dah la, i'm tired and lonely and am at the risk of starting this whole bout of rambling that i prefer to keep vague so noone really understands. just before i go, a piece of advice if i may - realize your potential, go for it, stop fiddling about waiting for a push - no one's going to do it for you.

supposedly my life theme song (according to blogthings)

2007-06-22T08:51:00.000-07:00

Back In Black Lyrics

2007-06-17T08:59:00.001-07:00

have you ever felt like running away from your past?
wish some things could be erased? wish some things never happened?
if you had the power to undo something in your life, what would you choose?

it's sad to have many to choose from huh? yeah. but what does it say about a person? or does it say anything at all? i suppose it's all a matter of opinion.

youtube videos finally decided to lag on me today, which left me with a lot of time on my hands. with the boyfriend down with fever and tonsils, all i'm left to do is pine and pray for his speedy recovery. so hahh, guess what i did? went through all my old friendster testimonials. and of course other peoples' friendster testimonials too (guess who was victim #1) haha. just how lame can my sunday be - about as lame as you can imagine. it's really noticeable that people used to write down genuine "testimonials" as compared to the passing messages and comments of today. it was fun to read. fun to look back into who the people we know now, were. haha. rather hilarious findings if you ask me :) it did manage to entertain my day. just when you thought you really knew a person right, you'd either find out you knew them more than you realize, or that you'll never fully know a person no matter how long you've felt you've known them.

australs. ahhh. the teams are out and i'd have to say i can't complain. i just hate underachieving though. really hate it. some day, you just have to wake up and realize that just thinking that you can do better than other people doesn't cut it. just having that mentality is a start, but it sure as hell ain't enough. so yeah, it all boils down still to what you do about it. and do more about it, i must. i'm sure people would just say hey, count your lucky stars, you're barely a first year in uni and you get this wonderful opportunity to debate in this huge tournament. but well, luck has nothing to do with this. seizing opportunities isn't about luck. so i have every right to say that i want to achieve more. and then comes the realization that this realization and this desire will just go to waste if something isn't done about it. it can't just be in your head, you have to do something about it. a whole lotta something.

i wonder how true these are

2007-06-15T10:23:00.000-07:00

You Are A Professional Girlfriend!

You are the perfect girlfriend - big surprise!Heaven knows you've had enough practice. That's why you're a total pro.If there was an Emily Post of girlfriends, it would be you.You know how to act in every situation ... to make both you and your guy happy.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?

You Are Medium Maintenance

You aren't as hard to deal with as some girlsBut you aren't the most laid back chick eitherYou're easy to deal with 90% of the time, but watch out for that 10%!If the guy you are with has good intentions, then calm down a littleBut if he's really screwing up, don't waste your breath - move on :-)

Are You A High Maintenance Woman?

You are a Great Girlfriend

When it comes to your guy, you're very thoughtfulBut you also haven't stopped thinking of yourselfYou're the perfect blend of independent and caringYou're a total catch - make sure your guy knows it too!

Are You a Good Girlfriend?

You Would Do Most Things For Love

You are willing to go pretty far for love - but not far enough to compromise your core values.Love is a priority for you, and you'll go further than most people to hold on to someone you love.But killing for love? Or even taking a bullet? Probably out of the question.No matter what, you love yourself the most!

Would You Do Anything For Love?

and the most hilarious of them all!

Your Celebrity Boob Twin:

Kate Moss

Who's" Your Celebrity Boob Twin?

2007-06-12T10:05:00.000-07:00

my room has been hit by a frikkin tornado. sheesh.

spring cleaning coming up. after genting maybe. huargh.

2007-06-07T22:25:00.001-07:00

i make mistakes
i regret them
and sometimes (just sometimes), i apologize for them
sometimes i wish i made less mistakes, if that's possible
if it's not, i'll learn to apologize more

i'm sorry, i really am

2007-06-05T09:54:00.000-07:00

i've learnt to dislike self-pity posts so i hope this doesn't turn out to be one. it's supposed to be more, reflective. cause i think deep down, into the not-so-deep crevice that is my mind, i've been doing it a lot lately. thinking, reflecting, questioning. i rarely realize it. but at times like these - 12.56am on a lonely night where i'm sitting in a dark room facing a glaring computer screen, the thoughts jump out at me. sometimes i feel lost. sometimes i don't even stop to think about it. but mostly, i've been putting a lot of thought into the things i've been doing, the person i'm becoming lately. maybe it's good. keeps you in check of where you're heading. but maybe it's that conscience in you that signifies something's wrong. more often than not, the questions swirl around that. why are these questions here in the first place?

i'm sure it's pretty normal for a person my age to do think about all kinds of things, try all kinds of things. ultimately, it's just growing up. but i wonder if it's also normal for things to be confusing. is constantly questioning right and wrong normal? is constantly doubting and second guessing yourself normal? i hope it is. i hope it's a good thing. i hope it at least shows that i'm mature enough to be cautious of myself. of what i'm doing. of who i am.

i want to grow up to be a good person. nothing fantastic. don't have to save the world, change people's lives, be remembered in history. i just want to be a good person to the people around me. whether others might see it as unambitious or not living up to my potential, i don't care. i know i can be many things. i know that i can do great things in life. but above all else, i just want to be this, a good person. how to interpret that might vary from person to person. but it always runs along the same lines. i guess the questions oftens come cause i'm worried i'm far from it. i'm scared that my judgment is flawed. i'm afraid of the blurred lines that confuse me. and i'm terrified of being left alone in it.

what am i trying to achieve by putting these thoughts into words? is this really just an aimless rambling of emotions, or am i seeking for refuge in some way, will my questions be answered? or not having realized it yet, am i the only who can answer them?

the classics 2001-2005

2007-06-02T07:16:00.001-07:00

i'm listening to a compilation of music i used to listen to during high school

boy bands, girly rock & cheesy duos! - best! best!

aaaah, the days of being a naive, hormonal (?), pre-teen girl. i only pray i've outgrown those days.

kiss me

2007-06-01T22:53:00.000-07:00

the laziness is engulfing.
if you know what my standards of malas are, you'll know what i mean.

so anyway, malas is stopping me from blogging about my superb birthday dinner. ppm - roadtripping!! rmc boys, huhue - nothing to blog about there (seriously). australs selections?

damn. khalidah nazihah is the epitome of lazy.

i did manage to do my region watch today though. not like there's much happening in australia and central asia. trying to get tickets for shrek3. pegi buat muka busuk kat cineleisure, if there's no tickets - POOL baby! so yeah, australs team selections tomorrow. wanna end up in top ones, don't we? *sighs*

post ppm thoughts . my life outside debating is debating. *double sigh*

starbucks, monday. interested? call me.

back, yet again!

2007-05-31T09:11:00.000-07:00

though i'm too exhausted to divulge every single detail of my recent roadtrip avec mes amis, meor alif, zamir, hadi and afifah to kota tinggi for this year's PPM, i'm just writing to boast that it was a blast. (yeah, azrul was there too!). i need shuteye, therefore i shall bounce!

ps. congrats STAR, you truly were stars (gile corny but i don't care, am overwhelmed for them!)

back from bandung, woohoo!

2007-05-20T09:14:00.000-07:00

i find it funny that i find it hard to blog and really let out about the major stuff happening in my life. ie, my first audc? but yeah, i prefer to whine and pine about the nitty gritty insignificant happenings yet always leave out immortalizing the huge events in this minute space of mine that i fondly call blog. so anyway, i'll just try now.

i've finally had a few days to breathe and relax, which i ironically spent smothering myself with love of life, meor alif (eeww, not literally ok). cs training and mamaks, that's about it. the tournament was considerably eventful for my first, yay! and i know i owe most of it to the people- azrul, meor alif, superb teammates, the contingent, etc, for making it memorable for me.

just a tiny bit of detail though before i vaguely describe the whole journey of the tournament itself. imagine this, how fate can be extremely harsh to some people.
first international tournament, first round, with the theme of geopolitics which we hated with every cell of our bodies - nabilah, zati and myself - and guess who we were up against? ateneo de manila A. grrrreat. how-many-times asians and audc champion again? haha, it was hilarious though. we were pumped up as hell and though some of us were err.. naive.. and what ensued was an almost thrashing by admuA, it was just the fuel we needed to start the tournament. case was crap, but it was hell fun. yeah! who else can say they were thrashed but had the time of their lives being vigorous about it. here here.

the competition itself. i'd have to say we didn't do too good, personally speaking. we set out our personal and team goals to achieve, that sadly remains unaccomplished. three of seven.. on paper, it doesn't look to good, and though i'd love to, i'd have to concede that you can't blame everything on crappy adjudication. we could've done a lot better for ourselves. and despite the doubts and underestimation from certain parties, i damn well know that we had an equal chance of breaking just as any other ateneo, nus or heck, iiu team. praise and constructive comments from judges were great (new junior team, yet decently impressive, went up against ateneo a with vigour! - haha!), duly appreciated, but i know that it all means nothing if we don't learn to put those strengths they talk about to good use, and surge those strengths with hard work and effort.

most importantly though, i know this sounds totally cliche but it doesn't make it any less true, ultimately it's what we got out of the tournament is what matters, and i proudly say that i've learnt a lot. i might not have done it all, worlds, australs or whatever more major tournaments ahead, but what i got from audc, i will cherish and use as fuel for me to continue debating, and continue going that extra mile to achieve more and more. this i promise myself and my teammates. so yeah, australs. time to up the game, baby. UP THE GAME!

gosh, i'm so pumped up i could swear i'm on crack. haha. anyway, on a totally separate note, i've been feeling like a brat lately and believe me, alif has heard a whole lotta whining about this heheh (sorry!). i can't believe i've made my upcoming birthday *ahem ahem* yes i did say UPCOMING BIRTHDAY, such a big deal. so what if i'll have to spend it debating my ass off for selections, so what if my family will be out of town, it won't change the fact that i'll be turning nineteen on the day, provided people spoil me with gifts and affectionate wishes. haha. kidding, people, kid-DING! (told you i was a big brat about it). well anyway, it's ultimately about growing older and that has to equal to being more mature and that i shall do with grace.

*subliminal message #1*
escada pacific paradise, guess handbag (or any handbag for that matter), a new watch (fossil?) lots and lots of bracelets, spongebob paraphernalia, boardshorts, flipflops, or just checkout the list of endless wants, you know. wink wink.

KID DING! :)
i love you, readers!

2007-05-05T08:49:00.000-07:00

next stop : bandung

those very last words from afifah's recent post prompted me to write.

i've been very back and forth on bandung so far. audc is technically like, my first tournament. (second, if you can actually count ihl). and i'm so pumped yet at the same time, have this like motion sickness feeling about it. the kind when you want to spin round and round and you're getting dizzy but still want to spin more. yep, that would be the feeling. i've a feeling it would be fun either way though. just hope i get to kick at least some minor asses. haha :)

2007-04-18T04:38:00.000-07:00

sometimes

they forget that

i want

to come back

taking a breather

2007-04-17T10:20:00.000-07:00

six days later. i'm still coughing like mad. i've lost my voice therefore am capable of sounding like macy gray (according to Hadi). throw in the flu and a hint of a fever and we've got ourselves a germ-spreading fest! and that's exactly what it is. i've even infected the boyfriend. and he's now in worse condition than i am! and to top it off, we both missed the interschool finals. crap.

the past few days have been a hell of a commute, driving off in the wee hours of the morning, and driving back in wee-er hours of the night. it was fun though. feel like i haven't really been home for ages. seeing school kids debate more or less reminded me why i didn't join in back then (heheh). but it was definitely refreshing. and adjudicating does help a lot i guess. i have yet to do that statement justice in trainings that start this Saturday. more commutes.

Ma's birthday dinner is this Saturday. and Good Charlotte too. and of all times for me to actually win something from mtv (GC tickets baby!) it had to be something that clashes with something else that's more important. yikes! talk about bad timing. nevermind i guess, not that i'll ever ditch Ma's birthday for GC. i don't even like em like that much anyway. but still, it was four tickets. would've had a blast with Alif and any other two buddies, you know. opportunity costs suck!

ooh, the SC interview. i knew last minute. prepared last minute (if you could call it preparation) but i guess over preparing for an interview beats the purpose a tad, don't you? you're supposed to be yourself and to be judged on how you are able to react and not how well you've rehearsed lines you might've just plagiarized of some website, right? at least, i think so. better be hated for who you are, than liked for who you're not. that kind of thing? well, ultimately, what will be will be i guess. it's not like i didn't try.

drowsiness is getting to me. and this cough is just killing me so i shall sleep it off, as i usually do to solve any problem :)

is 'the best day ever' possible?

2007-04-11T08:10:00.000-07:00

making the mistake is much much better than having to be the one to spot that mistake. that much i'll say about adjudicating.

i'm developing this cough that goes straight to the throat and down the esophagus or whatever that's making me want to puke, and we all know my stand on puking. god, help me.

i haven't much to say.

don't leave me when i'm scared

2007-04-04T06:52:00.000-07:00

Don't leave me
We must forget
All we can forget all we did till now
Let's forget the cost of the breath
We've spent saying words unmeant
And the times we've lost hours that must destroy
Never knowing why everything must die at the heart of joy
Don't leave me don't leave me
Don't leave me don't leave me

I'll bring back to you the pearls of rain
From a distant domain where rain never fell
And though I grow old I'll keep mining the ground
To deck you around in gold and light
I'll build you a domain where love's everything
Where love is king and you are queen
Don't leave me don't leave me
Don't leave me don't leave me
Don't leave me

For you I'll invent
Words and what they meant only you will know
Tales of lovers who fell apart and then fell in love again
There's a story too that I can confide
Of that king who died from not meeting you
Don't leave me don't leave me
Don't leave me don't leave me

And often it's true that flames spill anew
From ancient volcano's we thought were too old
When all's said and done scorched fields of defeat
Could give us more wheat than the fine April sun
And when evening is nigh with flames overhead
The black and the red aren't they joined in the sky
Don't leave me don't leave me
Don't leave me don't leave me
Don't leave me

I will cry no more
I will talk no more hide myself
To look at you and see you dance and smile
And hear you sing and laugh
Let me be for you the shadow of your shadow
The shadow of your hand the shadow of your dog
Don't leave me don't leave me
Don't leave me don't leave me

uh-huh, it's the best day ever

2007-04-04T05:48:00.000-07:00

i'm so extra ecstatisfied!

2007-04-03T10:58:00.000-07:00

he's coming back tomorrow

*smile, smile, smile & more smiles*

sing it, spongeBob.. " it's the best day everrrrrrrrrr...."

so, finally

2007-04-02T02:04:00.000-07:00

i drove myself to the nearest starbucks, ordered a big fat vanilla cream frappe, and sat all broody all on my own. my results, wasn't that bad. that said, you'd know that it wasn't that good either. nothing to shout about would be the best way to describe it. added with last sem's results the cumulative was ok. average at best. but i guess i can't complain. i graduated, with no failures, with what the paper states as fairly good, so i guess i'm on my way to gombak soon, yay! i can still take pride in getting an A for arabic. yippee. but on a more realistic note, i could've done better. and i will keep on trying. so, there, i got my results and can breathe normally and sleep at night now. it wasn't the best day ever, far from it even, but you can always count on spongebob to make you believe again. *smile smile*

inability to suppress thoughts

2007-03-31T10:29:00.000-07:00

because i lack of things to do, i've come up with yet another masterpiece i like to call my v.own blog. now if YOU lack of things to do, come over and check out THE list of endless wants yourself. have fun! (ps. it's not as strange as my Bonnie the Bowler blog and might just appeal to a wider audience) and knock yourselves out.

http://myendlesswants.blogspot.com

stress day 2

2007-03-31T00:04:00.000-07:00

OMG.

the results page still isn't functioning! stupid UIA. can they not let word out that results can be checked if they haven't updated the system yet??

to make things worse, even IF i could get through, chances are i can't check em either because of having so-called "outstanding mahallah debts". WHAT?? i don't have frikkin debts with you people. mainly because :

1) i was coerced into receiving that frikkin compound
2) i bloody SETTLED it WITHOUT having to PAY because i HAD a legible EXCUSE!

argh. ANGER and STRESS.
the way the system manipulates you. shame!

patience

2007-03-29T22:31:00.000-07:00

gosh. waiting for results is SO nervewracking.

will you people get the website up and running already! i'm tired of the "cannot find server" messages!

2007-03-23T05:54:00.000-07:00

i haven't been much of a good friend. nu-uh. not at all. and for that, i apologize.

i've been wanting this pair of red-hot Nike mary janes. they're absolutely fierce. gosh, antm is getting to me. but all i've found so far are white ones. anyone knows of the wherabouts of these gorgeous shoes? get in touch! a reward may be in order. last seen at Hytex Studio in Sunway Pyramid. yep, they were the last pair.

meor alif left for umrah today. Alhamdulillah, without any glitches in the visas and so forth this time. i do need y'all to pray for his safe journey and return and all. thank you very much.

oh, and bonnie has moved. won't be any of her posts here anymore. you can check her out at http://bonnie-mike.blogspot.com if any of you are even remotely interested.

it's the holidays and i've barely done a thing. sigh. this is the life.

90 - 88

2007-03-23T00:06:00.000-07:00

Bonnie won yesterday.
Although only with a margin of 2 pins, it was, nevertheless, a satisfying win.
Mike a.k.a The Dementor was unable to use his usual tactics of feeding on the misery of his opponent as his opponent started with a good lead and showed no signs of weakness nor a hint of misery.
Bonnie will keep this tactic-killer in mind.
Bonnie and Mike won't be playing again for quite sometime.
So, hang tight.

2007-03-20T19:31:00.000-07:00

Bonnie misses Mike.

Bonnie goes bowling with Mike often. Bonnie never wins but its okay. The last game, Bonnie led for seven frames but lost in the end. But Bonnie doesn't mind at all.

Bonnie just misses Mike. and the bowling.

2007-03-18T14:44:00.000-07:00

i was tagged by fansue, so here goes..
it's a bit late, i know, sorry :) finally have the time to do this since it's H.O.L.S!!!

Rules & Regulations:

Each player of this game starts out by giving 6 weird things about themselves. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. After you do that, leave them each a comment letting them know you tagged them and to read your blog!

1) spongebob squarepants

ok, personally, i don't find this weird at all but based on some comments made by certain parties, i'd have to concede that my obsession is bordering on abnormal. but people, what's not to love, the yellow guy's just too cute and damn funny. so yeah, i'm obsessed and to make it worse, i even collect his 'stuff', a victim of commercialisation -if there's such a word- i am, so shoot me. stickers, tissue box covers, a frikkin huge helium balloon [this was a gift, btw], books, tshirts, pj bottoms, figurines, you name it.

2) sensitivity - the lack of it

as much of a girl i can be, no, as much of a drama queen i can be, i lack this emotion called sensitivity. it's either that or it's just ignorance, i don't know. farah calls it, errr.. i can't remember what farah called it, yeah. but it's not that i don't care about other people's feelings and stuff, but it's very much hard for me to be bothered when people don't care about mine. most times, it's the lazy part of me that just can't care less. a bit thick-skinned [ anyone disagrees on this, post a comment ] but don't take advantage of me. seriously. or else i'll monkey kungfu you.

oh, btw, farah said i'm oblivious. that's the word.

3) fear factor

if there's three things i'm scared of, it's knives, throwing up and closed spaces. knives - they're sharp and they can hurt you, really hurt you. the second one - let's just not go there. and last, i don't know but the thought of being zipped up in a luggage bag is just plain nauseating.

4) eating habits

i get a runny nose everytime i eat. as gross as that may sound, it's totally controllable, people. it's just abit weird though. it just reacts to any and every kind of food. even non-pedas ones, so, yep.. there you go for weird.

5) ZzzzZZs

people generally sleep a lot yeah. but give me just any situation, i can just doze off at any moment. standing up? sure, been there, done that :)
not that weird if you ask me.

6) gee, i can't find SIX. guess i'm too normal for that!

The six people i'm tagging :

zati hamdan
zaimah
fadhli imran
qayyum
isaac

and since i've only five weird stuff, i'll tag five instead. hahah! i've yet to tell them though :)

why i'm such a drama queen

2007-03-16T03:42:00.000-07:00

i don't know.
but it sucks.

2007-03-13T08:43:00.000-07:00

my cousin dearest, farah aiman, got 10A1s. and i'm telling the world. alhamdulillah. she deserves every bit of it. i know she's a hard worker, very very studious, and most importantly, a good person with a good heart and i'm proud of her.

Aiman, congratulations!

2007-03-10T08:24:00.000-08:00

it's that time
when you're right and everyone else is wrong
when you're the only one making sense and everyone else is just crapping
when you're putting up with everyone else's bullshit
when you have to deal with everyone else's insensitivity
when other people are just SO annoying
the painters are in the house
and the they're just getting to me
so kill me today

2007-03-08T06:57:00.000-08:00

i was given an ultimatum : to study or to blog. well duh, three guesses which one i'd go for first huh. not to say that it's any easier to do, but hey, saves me from snoreville.

i actually have a lot, a lot to talk about, vent, you know. but the moment i feel like blogging about something, something else happens before i can even begin to start talking about the stuff i originally planned to talk about. so i end up, as usual, not blogging. can't blame me that my life's moving faster than i can record here. hahha!!

life. ohho. my finals are up. gawrsh. i have to get my ass outta here and start studying. but before that. check this out. http://www.ummahfilms.com. some funny stuff, islam-related basically, but it's kinda interesting. no bombings in palestine or whatnot. just some interesting stuff. quoting one of the weblogs, "we live in a society that makes haram easy, and our parents make halal hard". hahh. that was in the $25,000 muslim wedding video. i find that one nicer than most.

oh, people, do pray for my finals, or better yet, pray i get to those books and stick to em. i need need need to pass all my subjects, score score score, and get to gombak, and i mean quick. my life depends on it. so yeah.

imma studying!! rah! rah! rah!

this urge

2007-02-17T23:49:00.000-08:00

i told you i didn't celebrate valentine's, you attempted anyway.

i told you i didn't need or want anything, you still gave it a shot.

i told you that it's ok, i really don't celebrate valentine's or need or want anything, the disappointment still got to you.

i told you it's the thought that counts, you xmau dengar!

so now i'm telling you, all i need for valentine's [although i still don't celebrate it] , is YOU!

and i already have that, so i don't need much else you know :)

-just a delayed reaction

oh, i was reading ezanee's blog and gave the music on shuffle thing a try too. the outcome :

opening credits : love is all around - wet wet wet
waking up : how to save a life - the fray
first day at school : you - switchfoot
falling in love : everybody's changing - keane
fight song : nice to know you - incubus
breaking up : hanging by a moment - lifehouse
prom : cruisin - gwyneth paltrow & huey lewis
life : sedang ingin bercinta - dewa
mental breakdown : you've got a friend - carole king
driving : london bridge - fergie
flashback : throw it away - toby rand
getting back together : not ready to make nice - dixie chicks
wedding : butterfly - weezer
birth of child : hips don't lie [bamboo remix] feat wyclef jean - shakira
final battle : dead on arrival - fallout boy
death scene : the love song - tyler hilton
funeral song : more than words - extreme
end credits : hit me baby one more time - travis

rather interesting, if i do say so myself :)

in a nutshell

2007-02-17T08:47:00.000-08:00

mood : melancholic

listening to : i will follow you into the dark, death cab for cutie. sweetness, jimmy eat world. unpretty, tlc. karma police, toby rand.

my thoughts have always been erratic whenever i attempt to put up a post. there have been too many instances when the thought "oh, i must blog about this" comes to mind and when i finally have/make the time to sit down quietly, quit fidgeting and restless and/or aimless surfing, the aforementioned gathered thoughts just disappear. it's bad enough that i'm not the update-the-people-with-what-happened-in-my-life-today blogger. i just told meor alif today that i generally blog just to get some form of message across to some people most times. oops, i wasn't supposed to reveal that, was i..

anyway, recent reads/music that i dig..

i've been listening to a lot of nada surf, jimmy eat world, akon and gwen these days. was just listening to oasis' morning glory and akon's don't matter. different ends of different genres, i know. but anyone who's anyone who spends enough time with me knows what an akon freak i am! haha! i'm trying to unnoticeably just skip the "recent reads" part. honest to goodness, cross my heart, shamefully, i haven't been reading. spent half a day obsessing over this weird weird book, the fifth child. but then, that's about it. was supposed to finish the future of freedom [ start, actually] but i haven't actually been making time for it. gone are the days where my nose is constantly buried in books. what was i? eleven, twelve? sigh. should probably pick up a light chick lit-ish read and get a momentum going. geez, after finals perhaps. just who has the time now..?

finals are up in a few weeks. have been pondering a lot on what i should do after.. what to do during the short break.. where life will take me in gombak.. IF i get to gombak.. what do i major in.. IF i even have a choice.. three, four years of studying, and then what?.. work? settle down? immediately? or later? i'm probably thinking too far ahead, most of my peers or even the people a few years ahead of me might still be worrying about next week's assignments or tomorrow's presentation or tomorrow night's hot date, etc.. but then again, am i? it surely wouldn't hurt to plan ahead right? or will it just on the other hand distract you from just taking life one day at a time and living it to its fullest?

transitional times.. i generally just hate them. like from primary to secondary school, after spm to matrics [or should i say cenfos these days?]. the comfort zone that you try and try hard to build, all the getting used to, overcoming the discomforts of getting comfortable, establishing yourself as someone worth befriending, trying all the sizes to find 'that fit' - all that down the drain.. all because of these dreaded.. UGHHH 'transitional periods'. inevitable, but to me completely unnecessary! the problem with me is that i'm set in my ways. change just makes me squirm a bit. a concept i have yet to grasp throughout my almost-nineteen years of life..

life in general, has been good. family. check. friends. check. boyfriend. check. going through a bit of slum with my grades though. nothing major, but a marginally noticeable slum. sigh. aforementioned finals - i shall grit my teeth, and come back with a vengeance! the hoo-haa side of me has been well entertained. too much, maybe. oh, tia, pann, hanaa, ainiraz, have left :( i could swear i feel just the wee bit lonelier than usual. the airport goodbye was too teary for my own liking. heh. let me get philosophical a wee bit here. it did make me realize how a friend can touch your life. you don't necessarily need to be the bestest of buds, chums, galpals, whatever to actually feel the presence, or rather lack thereof, of someone. even if you just barely knew the person, living through stuff throughout a significant period of your life just creates a bond between you that can't just fade away. hopefully not, anyway. the thought of not having the chance to see these people whenever i please to just made me realize how i've been taking granted of the ability to in the recent past. here's the cue for another sigh.

lesson learnt : just DON'T take the people around you, close or otherwise, for granted.

the next few weeks are probably going to be a bit of a pain. various assignments due. final quizzes. redo quizzes. last minute replacement classes. trainings. the last league. audc selections. FINALS.

it will surely be hell. and there's no choice but to just endure.

i shall be on a bit of a hiatus.

or just break down and write anyway :)

2007-02-11T08:22:00.000-08:00

recent developments

my streamyx is back up! unlimited downloading, surfing and *ahem* researching + region watching shall indeed resume :)
nabila and i almost made it to intermahallah finals. almost :(
yesterday was alif's birthday! he's 19. and i got him a pair of shoes that didn't exactly fit :(
but we did manage to have a nice birthday dinner at chili's :)
next weekend's a comparatively longer weekend break as compared to usual :)
pann, tia, hanaa, and the likes are leaving this wednesday :(
went to two fantastic barbecues this week and gathered with the people that i love :)
didn't get the chance to go to pann's and i still haven't had the chance to get to her :(
generally has been an unpredictable and eventful week specifically the weekend :)

yeah, technically, life's good.

and yeah, a worthy mention,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEOR ALIF :)

it's been a long day + weekend, but i hope you enjoyed your birthday. Happy 19th, with love.

2007-01-28T11:13:00.000-08:00

life changes, right? most of the time, it's the small stuff that you don't particularly notice. but sometimes, big changes happen. of epic proportion, even. life changing things, like falling in love *ahem*, triumphs, grief, losses, the whole enchilada. but i guess, and i mean this generally, when these kind of changes happen right, it doesn't mean that everything else has to change as well. family, doesn't have to change. friendships, well the true kind, don't have to change. and should the feeling that these things have changed arise, i guess we always have to really think it out, and remember that it's a two way street. relationships go both ways, always. because i'm very well aware that my life IS infact changing, and i really don't feel the need to change the unnecessary you know and i'm aware of what is changing, and at the same time, i try my best to hold on to what i'm not. so yeah, it goes both ways. blame goes both ways too and that's a path i really don't want to go down. it's always easy to look on and judge, but i just have to say, it goes both damn ways. i shall forever hold my peace now.

pudds, we have to keep on to our resolution k. we just have to.

belle, thanks a lot. you've always been there, without fail. the good times AND the ugly.

sayang, i'll forever cherish your words and can only hope that i'll be able to reciprocate appropriately:)

my sweetest escape

2007-01-26T09:59:00.000-08:00

i'm sure everyone's heard gwen stefani's the sweet escape by now? i've been singing it over and over [and over and over..trust me, just ask Farah and Nabila, THEY know] again. didn't realize it how significant it's become. i've been rather reflective recently [okay, two and a half minutes ago precisely] , and i've been trying honesty these days, don't think it's the best policy though. not ultimately. i'm just really really tired. i just hope i don't forget to remember.

the lights are out.

a.m. ramble

2007-01-07T09:16:00.000-08:00

1am. monday morning. i'm still at home! this seems to be turning into a habit lately. the weekends just start to stretch for me. well, you can't exactly blame me for enjoying my time away from and wanting to get out of matrics, and i mean asap. i've seen what greener pastures look like and i open the luxury with open arms. and i'm not only talking like simple stuff- , amenities- , freedom-wise, my whole life awaits me at gombak. it's just there, with a sheepish smile, just anticipating the moment. heheh. i know someone wants a mention in my blog, let's just discreetly include him bit by bit though, though i warn you, he most likely will be a permanent feature to be constantly included adoringly. *ahem* back to where i was.. weirdly though, i know i'll miss matrics. the small bubble i've recently gotten accustomed to. the cheers-atmosphere to it [ where everybody knows your name ] not that everybody knows my name, i seriously doubt that. but at least i can turn corners and expect to see familiar faces around. compare that to high school though, it's still nothing.

hmm. fell asleep in the middle of the post there. it's morning already and i got things to do. so yeah, have a great week:)

my way of saying, "i miss you"

2007-01-07T04:03:00.000-08:00

goodbye.
i dub this the most painful word in the dictionary. no, in existence!

why? because today's goodbye almost killed me. and what's worse, it's getting harder each time. it's just so hard cause it's never enough. and i'm totally confused cause there's this other side of me that's wanting it to forever be this way.

it's true when people say love is crazy cause it damn well is. it's mindnumbingly heart-melting. it's like that feeling you get when you swing higher and higher on a swing; you're so scared [okay, I'M the one that's scared] but you just want more and more, to go higher and higher.

it's addictive. it's euphoric. it's bliss.

love, try it today.
now i dub this the most beautiful word in existence.

un minute

2007-01-03T19:49:00.000-08:00

i'm in a stuffy room that apparently brimmed to the edge with people, the connection sucks, the computer's less than functioning, but i just had to scratch the itch that is blogging. it's the fourth day! i have quizzes galore, that's left me uh..quizzical. exams are this weekend. league starts the next. am up for a busy busy start to the year. fim in a minute, i shall BOUNCE.

two-double-O-seven

2007-01-02T08:25:00.000-08:00

it's just changing the six at the end of the date column to a seven right?? WRONG. but somehow, that's what it seemed like. i was totally oblivious of the new year. didn't realize it had come til reality hit me right smack in the *toot*. heck, it's the second day of the year already and i've only just come to terms with it. i was NOT ready for 2007. still am not, i guess, but that ain't gonna stop me. haha!

anyways, i had some time to ponder earlier since i had to be up for some hair treatment, so to speak, and got to thinking about what happened in my life last year. gosh, last year was actually just two frikkin days ago, huh? i barely remember half of it since that half was spent practically just wasting the time away. aaaahhhh, post spm days. i miss those. and the next half, i spent exploring a whole new phase of life. and to say that my life has changed in the past year would be an understatement. where i was at january 2nd last year, is a place i barely remember. i was a kid fresh out of school, with no idea where her life was heading. not to say that i'm not a kid now. i still am wet behind the ears, or whatever you call it. i sure as hell still have no idea where my life is heading, but in some way, i feel more secure now i guess. i'd like to believe i've matured a bit, learned a bit, experienced quite a bit, and that i might actually have a rough outline of what my life would be like for at least the next 4, 5 years. and that, makes a whole lot of difference. yessiree.

now i've come to develop a habit of typing up my random thoughts and, feeling i've left it incomplete, end up erasing the whole post, which somewhat explains the lack of recent posts. now halfway writing through this one i feel that urge again but for the sake of at least posting something and not again give up on something i've started, i'll just post this one for the fun of it. it's far from complete, i have a lot on my mind about current developments but there's nothing more i want to do right now than to hit the sack. so, there. shall continue later.

sheesh. i just had to justify myself on my own blog, didn't i.

2006-12-22T08:56:00.000-08:00

hey spongebob,

you know the deal we have? i really need you to follow through with it. now, more than ever. promise me you'll be responsible of the duty i've left you with. i need to know everything will be alright. i need you to make sure of that. please, please, please take care of things k. i'm counting on you to.

loves, khalidah nazihah

a snippet

2006-12-16T08:09:00.000-08:00

things i discovered/realized today
1)justin timberlake is my longest-ever celebrity crush. i still love him!
2)ipods are pretty, pretty gadgets
3)my shopping nafsu is in overdrive [anat, belle and i had to pry each other off those mng racks! that was hilarious]
4)it's been way too long since i've actually sat down and really gossiped. today's session with the galpals reminded me of that.

so yeah, gathering!! was a good one. went crazy ha-ha, pissed off a whole line of people waiting for the flume ride in sunway lagoon, got on some crazy ass rides, went crazy camwhoring, chilled, chatted, it was err..crazy. would love to delve into further details but i'm waaaay past exhausted. hanging out with fifteen, sixteen? girls for the day? if that doesn't wear a person out, i don't know what does. planning to go bowling lagi tomorrow morn. hope i get to that.

hello, goodbye

2006-11-25T07:27:00.000-08:00

music to the ears : re-offender, Travis
heart feels : mellow

the sun is shining!

take a deep breath, look around you and give the ones you love a warm hug, show your affection, there might not be another chance [and i had to learn this from a garlic naan experience] , and i mean that in a totally optimistic way. cherish every moment as if it were your last, it's the only way to truly enjoy life. i've taken granted of too many things lately. lost perspective of some things for quite some time. but i've once again crawled out of the deep dark pit i put myself in, and i'm alive!

spending a bit of time in gombak made me regret i wasn't able to make it there sooner. or at least try a lot harder to overcome things that got in the way. anyway, i'm happy to admit that i've found something that i'd love [though, still terrified] to endeavour in. this is something i can see myself getting more and more involved in, provided i work hard and commit, of course. one can dream. and one can also choose to live that dream. yes.

"believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact"

truer words were never spoken.

ps.i miss my survivors. really miss. it's been too long.

i love you, but i've chosen darkness

2006-11-22T23:32:00.000-08:00

playing : how to save a life, The Fray

would you love me,

if i told you the truth?

would you still love me,

if you really knew?

i'm sorry,

i've broken my promises

i'm sorry,

i gave in to my weaknesses

2006-11-22T08:49:00.000-08:00

playing : like a stone, Audioslave

mood : suicidal

2006-11-21T02:18:00.000-08:00

playing : cowboy dan, Modest Mouse. this song annoys me.
mood : completely ignorant of surroundings

between watching old episodes of tree hill while trying to get streamyx back up to do some fucking reading, and discovering how funky [and no, not in a good way] my hair has gotten, my day-slash-week has been down right uneventful. i'm supposed to be somewhere but i still haven't found it in my heart to actually BE there, added with the fact that things keep coming up to prevent me from actually getting there. if you know what i mean, you know what i mean. if you don't, and you claim to be any friend of mine, we've got some serious re-evaluation of relationship to do. i know i sound like a bitter old cow, but heck, do i care?

broken promises. i've had AND made too many of that recently, more than my fair share. it IS true. what you give, you do get back. and vice versa, apparently, in my case. what you get, you tend to give back, or worse, forward it to others. why do we say things we don't mean? why do we bother to put in effort to make someone believe in something when we have no intention whatsoever in putting efforts in actually doing it? more simply put, why do we hurt the ones who matter, the ones we love? or is it, in attempts to protect these who we claim to love, we subconsciously do things that lead to this false belief, when in actual fact, we're making things worse. i'm speaking in codes, or at least trying to, but heck, do i care?

allow me a moment of vanity here. my hair. since my last [long awaited,mind you] trip to my amoy of a hairdresser, it's gotten seriously et funkily weird. layers might be cool when it's all blowdried and maintained well but hey, as vain as i truly am, i lack the skills, finances and mainly intention in maintaining the coiffeur, which probably leads to the causes of aforementioned funkiness, i suppose. i do like it though. funky = bad = liking it? confusing. and no, i don't care. it's bad enough today, my aunt who just dropped by stopped short of saying i got fat. chubby, the cheeks give it away. can i help it that all i do is stay at home and order in/have food provided at my every whim and fancy? well, yes, i probably can but do i even seem like i care? seriously, it's far from a problem, weight gain = good for yours truly. but gaining it solely in the facial area making you blow up doll version of you = BAD, people. ok ok. sleep, that's the culprit right there. i'll lay off, and not whine about it. that, might do me some good. yes, i do apparently care this time.

i guess it's probably a sign that i should be where i should be right now, and not continue to be where i am. less sleep, less moping, more productivity in everyday life. yeah, that's it.

have i mentioned that the music gods have been harsh on me lately? well, probably not to the general public. well, they have been. they are. and yet, i still leave my music on shuffle. i just can't pick lah. my mood's been pretty monotonous the whole week, and most likely i'd be listening to the same songs all the way through, so guess i have no choice. what doesn't help though is that putting it on shuffle STILL produces the same results. collide, love will come through, wonderwall, linger, love will come through [ even worse, when it starts repeating Shane West's so what does it all mean. blecchh. ]. wait a minute, did i mention love will come through TWICE? exactly my point. not that it's bad you know. nice songs all of em, and they remind me of good stuff. great, even. but i guess, i just don't need to be reminded too much of what's already in my head, which by the way, is in a way contributing to the decreased productivity of my everyday life in the first place. god, Paris Hilton's screwed is playing. why do i have this on my playlist anyway? i don't know, and do i even seem like i care?

i can't believe i'm actually trying to blame shuffle for all this bitterness. bad bad me.

anyway, i evaluated my blog today. and even some of others'. mine's worth about $2800++. as compared to afdlin shauki's $500,000++. compare self to local celebrity extraordinaire. great move for self esteem huh. yasmin ahmad's is about $300,000. well, you've guess it. i nose into their blogs often. why? for fun. i happen to like afdlin shauki. oh, some of my peers fared slightly better. afifah's is about $3000+, so is zati's, meoralif's worth exactly the same as mine. go figure. if you can't figure out what the hell i'm talking about go check it out at afdlin's blog yourself, which i have a link to btw. ada lah somewhere kat bawah-bawah tu. "how much is your blog worth?". i copied the link just now but lost it, apparently. was just an interesting thought. since more and more people are actually making profit out of blogging. doubt i'd ever get round to it though. since most of the time, i just vent and whine huh. haha. but heck, do i look like i care?

i know that question is getting annoying. it's meant to. as a matter of fact, i DO actually care about a lot of things, a lot of people, but sometimes, just some-teensyweensyfrikkin-times, it's just soo tiring to care you know. and now, this very moment, is just one of those times for me. i need to see hope again. i want to. and i probably will. but it all just seems a bit fuzzy right now. things aren't clear. and it sucks that all i'm doing about it is vent in a blog.

well, the lax self-pitying side of me says it's a start. but that other half of me, the side of me that wouldn't usually let me get into these phases of self-pity in the first place, says something else. and i guess, that's the one i'm going to choose to listen to. today. now.

i speak in codes. it might be annoying. but do i seem like i care?
in actual fact, i do.
it's not my intention to annoy.
so there.

1-300-888-333

2006-11-18T08:56:00.000-08:00

playing : swing swing, The All American Rejects
mood : post-pizza euphoria

next to kuay teow [yes, i said kuay teow], pizza has got to be the best food..err..ever! seriously. who would've thought a bunch of pineapples, chunks of chicken and cheese put together on dough could taste just so..soo great. aloha chicken on thin crust. super frikkin yummy. this is practically an ad right here. gosh, i'm blogging about pizza. pizza. pizza.

i can't stop thinking about it.

pizza.

get one today. heck, get it now.

you know how dreary my life has to be for me to subject myself to mundane blog topics such as what i had for dinner, AND be enthusiastic about it.

gahh. PIZZA.

or maybe, it's just the food talking.

must. have. more.

writer's block

2006-11-18T03:45:00.000-08:00

playing : ain't no sunshine when she's gone, Al Green
mood : blue

it's been way too long.
err..
give the song a listen..
quoting someone i know,
"macam memang betul-betul tak de sunshine la bile pompuan tuh tak de,"
or somewhere along those lines..

2006-10-22T10:28:00.000-07:00

playing : stay, michelle featherstone
mood : headspin

if i build a wall
a hundred feet tall
would that keep you in?

if i shackled your feet
so you couldn't leave
would you try and run?

if i promise not to fight
at least not tonight
would you stay the night?

if i wore that little dress
that you like the best
would you pass my test?

would you stay?
would you stay with me?

if i poured another drink
what would you think
about staying in?

if i was sincere
whispered my fears
would you still be here?

would you stay?
would you stay with me?
would you stay?
would stay with me?
with me?

if i build a wall
a hundred feet tall
would that keep you in?

while you were sleeping

2006-10-20T18:38:00.000-07:00

this used to be ma's favourite chick flick. well, mine too. i remember the days when we'd used to watch it over and over again. well to those of you who haven't even heard of the movie, it was the one with sandra bullock and bill pullman in it [yeah, it's OLD]. it's about this guy who passed out onto a train track thingy and this girl - sandra bullock, who btw, has had a looong time crush on him saved him from being runover by a train, then at the hospital she claimed to be his fiancee to get into his hospital room, and everyone including his family really thought she was his fiancee, yada yada, and while the guy's in a frikkin coma, she falls for his brother along the way. not your typical chick flick, yeah. but then, this post isn't about the movie.

it's about things i've only recently figured out.

it just amuses me how sometimes you can spend time with a person, and have an ultimately crappy day, where everything just doesn't turn out right. when you plan things and they just don't go accordingly. when you want to be spontaneous, and it ends up backfiring and everything and everyone just ends up feeling so dysfunctional. when stupid things happen that just seem to ruin the whole day. where was i, again? oh, it amuses me. yes, what amuses me is that despite all of the above happening, you still have fun anyway. you go through it all and still end the day with the utmost satisfaction and that glowing feeling that you just can't help but feel. then, you wake up the next day wanting to repeat the whole day again, mishappenings and all. and why does it amuse me, you might wonder. because somehow, it just doesn't make sense.

so, i got to thinking. i guess when you spend time with the right person, it doesn't matter how things go wrong. it doesn't matter what you do, or are not able to do. it doesn't matter what you say or don't say. it doesn't matter if things don't go as planned. because all these wrongs are made right when that one important right is achieved in the first place. now, do i make sense? i wonder..

spend time with the right people, the people who make you happy, the people who want you to be happy, and you'll see what i mean.. to me, at the end of the day, it makes no difference if everything turns out superfantasticly right, or everything just downright sucks, as long as that person, the right one, is with you throughout.

and i figured this all out,
while you were sleeping

no, not the movie this time.

feelings, thoughts, and words..

2006-10-13T17:52:00.000-07:00

playing : be yourself, audioslave
mood : sunshiny

One Tree Hill
"Things I Forgot at Birth"

Lucas' closing quote:
"There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroads. Afraid. Confused. Without a roadmap. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. Of course, when faced with the unknown, most of us would rather turn around and go back. But once in awhile people push on to something better-something found just beyond the pain of going it alone and just beyond the bravery and courage it takes to let someone in. Or to give someone a second chance.Something beyond the quiet persistence of a dream. Because it's only when you're tested that you discover who you truly are. And it's only when you're tested that you discover who you can be. The person you want to be does exist, somewhere on the other side of hard work, faith and belief, and beyond heartache and fear of what lies ahead."

this is why i love this show.
and yes, afifah, saya sudah burn untuk awak.